Well, if you insist. It is a Dutch cryptic phrase, and a university-trained linguist came up with this transcription -
Hallo, mijn naam is Shaver Cool, en dit is wat ik eruit nadat ik uit de douche.
Looks like my fancy European falchion theory is bunk.
Truth be told, after perusing this site, looks like it might be a Parang Nabur, akin to the pieces displayed in this thread -
The similarities in the guard construction and the blade form are strong.
IMHO, the inscription might be an attempt to imitate the European talismanic inscriptions, as is the amoeba-like creature. Who made it, when, and for who, I have no idea.
I think it's time to enlist the experts from the Ethnographic Weapons section.
I am especially thankful to RSWORD for pointing me to the direction of the Dutch East Indies.